Wednesday, October 6, 2010

a little rant-ish post

There was a different post in this spot where I expressed my opinion for once.

For public reference the definition of the word invasion (adj)  defined as tending to infringe

God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason, if you listen twice as often as you speak then others will hear you more clearly.

My husband has asked me to repost the original blog post.

***disclaimer*** If you don't like what I have to say during this post, I don't care to hear your comments... this is my blog, this is my opinion, this is my life***

Jacob was supposed to get on the train with his parents yesterday and come home and finish his treatment here, but he had a fever and the chemo sores in his mouth. So today he sits in a hospital bed on antibiotics and fluids. The poor little guy. We all know that those sores are not his parent's fault, that they are taking care of him to the best of their ability, and those sores sometimes just appear... however, he is dehydrated and that is something his parents could have controlled... I don't want to point fingers at them at all, but it is hard not to speak up when you can easily see where the mistakes are being made.

It is not that anyone wants to tell them that they are being bad parents, it is just that everyone wants Jacob to be a healthy, happy boy. This doesn't mean spoil him now while he is sick, it doesn't mean to let him get away with anything he wants to do because he is sick either, it means keeping balance, keeping a level head, keeping in mind that in a few months he will be a regular 5 year old again and then you will be dealing with a monster unless you keep the rules stable.

Keeping a level head during all this is a necessity too, taking too many meds or acting like it is all about you (the parent) is not helping either. What parents in these situations need to do is focus on the child and not themselves. Today I was told "I don't know how much more of this I can take..." and I stopped for a second and thought (to myself) is this about her? no! it is about that little boy... I'm having trouble even posting this blog because it is very personal, but this is a place where I can get the pressure off my chest, think about how I want to communicate things, and I can practice being very open and understanding, I can re-read, re-adjust, and re-think what I want to say.

Heck, maybe I don't even have a right to have an opinion on this since in my opinion they should not have moved their 5 year old 3 days after surgery, they should have had stayed at the same hospital he was diagnosed at, he should have not traveled 15 hours to another hospital, they should not have ripped him out of a hospital half way through his treatments to go to another hospital... but he isn't my son's son, I have no real connection to him except I am married to his father's adoptive father... I haven't opened my mouth and told them exactly where I think they have gone wrong, I haven't told them that I don't like to bend over backwards for people who don't really appreciate it, I haven't spoken up like I could, because I'm not sure what is my place in all this.

Do I really have the right to form an opinion? Do I have the right to say something because they are staying in my home (once they get on the train they are coming here)? Do I have the right to be upset that my life is being invaded? Do I have the right to say that? to think that? He is my husband's son and he has the right to ask his dad for help, but as his dad's wife, do I have the right to say I don't want to help? Not that I wouldn't and not that I am not helping, but in all actuality, those kids aren't all that much younger than I am and they moved in here and now I am supporting them... Craig makes some money, but it is not enough to cover our bills... so here my money goes.

And then there are the times when my parents help us with a little money here or there to pay for things, do I have the right to even accept that help because we have taken on an entire family? Does anyone realize that I have needs? that I have a full-time school schedule, that I need to purchase things for my family? I care about Jacob, I care about Joe, and I care about Erica, but they need to return the kindness at some level. I'm still angry that she broke my glass and didn't apologize... all because of her inability to take medications responsibly... what to do? what to do?


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